Since it’s finally Friday again, I thought we could bring some levity into our LSAT prep today! I was eating some cereal this morning, and started focusing on the silly mascot on the box. There are so many mascots from our childhood, and possibly adulthood that, if real, would be serious criminals. Think about it, we’re being inundated with images of cute cartoon mascots and never thinking, “Hey! That guy is a criminal!” This is why, my LSAT prep-readers, you need to arm yourself with a J.D. so that you can place these bewitching mascots in jail! It’s all a metaphor…kinda. Okay so let’s go over some of these mascots and their individual crimes.”
(1) McDonald’s Hamburglar
Now, you may be thinking, the hamburglar only steals hamburgers and that’s what $1.99? But, think about how long he’s been in the game! He’s got to be somewhere in the grand theft range by now, right? Right! Grand theft hamburglary!
(2) Cookie Crisp’s Cookie Crook
I used to see this guy once a week on the Cookie Crisp commercials. He has been constantly attempting burglary and resisting arrest. Come on people! Your 1L Crim class will show you how indictable this crook is!
(3) Kool-Aid’s the Kool Aid Man
Oh Yeah! Oh Yeah! Oh NO, Kool-Aid man! He busts through your wall and probably runs each homeowner upwards of $5,000. AND he’s spilling his red dye juice all over the place meaning new carpet and upholstery for sure! This, my LSAT studiers and soon-to-be 1L-ers, is known as willful and malicious destruction of property. Boom! Laweyered!
(4) Coppertone Sunscreen’s Coppertone Dog
You know that cute little image of the little puppy who bites down the cute four year old pig-tail donning girl’s little blue swim trunks (more likely panties). Let’s be real, this dog is basically helping to disseminate child pornography to the world! Arrest that pooch!
(5) Cap’n Crunch’s Captain Crunch
Isn’t it obvious? This old hack of a Captain has stooped to finding innocent bystanders with boats and ships and stealing said water vehicle. Piracy, my friends! This is piracy! And we will not allow it! Not to mention the fraud he has perpetrated on society by convincing us that he is a captain. Everyone knows that captains have four stripes, not three! Command’r Captain is more like it.
Okay, I hope that this opened your eyes to how imperative your studying for the LSAT is, or possibly it was a cute little break from your LSAT prep. Now, practice those Logical Reasoning sections, get into a law school and get your J.D. so that you can make sure that crimes like these don’t pass you by! Rabble rabble!”